Module 1: The difference between punishment and discipline

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The difference between punishment and discipline

To practise effective discipline, we first need to understand the difference between punishment and discipline. Discipline is the practice of training someone to behave in accordance with rules or a code of behaviour. The word, discipline, comes from Latin disciplina (teaching, learning or instruction) and discipulus (disciple, pupil). In other words, to discipline means to teach. To teach is to show and explain how to do something. It focuses on teaching the desirable future behaviour. To punish is to inflict suffering for the past behaviour.

The brain is divided into three main regions

Unconscious brain– controls bodily functions such as breathing, heartbeat, digestion, fight or flight reaction and other survival functions without our conscious effort.
Subconscious brain– also called the emotional brain, is responsible for strong emotions such as fear, rage, separation anxiety, caring, nurturing, etc.
Conscious brain – also called the thinking brain, it is where learning, reasoning, problem-solving, decision-making or sophisticated thinking takes place.

So the difference between discipline and punishment is that discipline involves the thinking brain whereas punishment has an impact on the emotional brain. Gestalt therapy teaches us that children that do not have very effective communication skills yet can “save” a negative emotion as a fact in their minds. Therefor it is possible that the negative thoughts that a child experiences during punishment (separation anxiety, fear, abandonment, rejection, etc.), whether verbal or physical, may be stored as fact and can have a serious impact on their emotional development and later lives. Effective discipline helps children learn to control their behaviour so that they act according to their ideas of what is right and wrong, not because they fear punishment. For example, they are honest because they think it is wrong to be dishonest, not because they are afraid of getting caught. The purpose of punishment is to stop a child from doing what you don’t want the child to do —and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him/her.

The four basic forms of punishment

Physical punishment ‑ slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, and using a belt or hair brush.
Verbal punishment ‑ shaming, ridiculing, using cruel words, saying “I don’t love you.”
Withholding rewards ‑ “You can’t watch TV if you don’t do your homework.”
Penalties ‑ “You broke the window, so you will have to pay for it with money from your allowance.”

The first two kinds of punishment, physical and verbal, are not considered to be effective discipline methods. The other two, withholding rewards and giving penalties, can be used either as effective discipline methods or as punishment—depending on how they are administered. Since consequences of actions can be difficult for a special needs child to understand, disciplining them with well explained consequences for their action is the most effective form of discipline. Consequences teach responsibility as well as being learning experiences.

The two main types of consequences

Natural consequences – Natural consequences allow children to learn from the natural order of the world. For example, if the child doesn’t eat, he will get hungry. If he doesn’t do his homework, he will get a low grade. Unpleasant but natural consequences are allowed to happen when a child does not act in a desirable way. (This cannot be used if the health and safety of the child is at stake).
Logical consequences – Logical consequences are arranged by parents/caregivers. The consequence must logically follow the child’s behaviour. For example, not having clean clothes to wear is a logical consequence of not placing dirty clothes in the hamper.

The use of consequences takes practise and will be unique to every child as every child has unique behaviour.

In summary

Discipline	Punishment
Never send a misbehaving child away from you as punishment. Children that “misbehave” need you more in that moment that when they don’t.	Gets angry at the child for unacceptable or “naughty” behaviour and sends the child away from them in anger.
Can be used with teenagers.	Cannot be used with teenagers.
Sets a good example of effective ways to solve problems.	Teaches the child that violence is a way to solve problems.
Helps the child learn self-control.	Teaches the child to deceive .
Emphasizes what a child should do and why.	Emphasizes what the child shouldn’t do without reasons why.
It is a process that is ongoing.	Is a once-off event.
Sets a loving and patient example.	Always insists on being obeyed.
Leads to independence, self-control, and self-regulation.	Causes dependence on others and hampers independence.
Encourages the child to want to change and to understand why.	Makes the adult feel temporarily better.
Understands and accepts that a child has the need, and should be able to, assert him/herself.	Forces the child to conform.
Shows the child how to think for him/herself and let them do it.	Thinks for the child.
Enables the child to have positive self-image and concept.	Gives the child an inferiority complex.
Moulds the child’s behaviour with love, patience and care while helping the child understand the process and reasons.	Condemns behaviour and makes the child feel “wrong” without understanding why.

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